These are the MAN LAWS!!!
14-Jan-2007, 06:16 PM
#1
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: In a JDM world
Posts: 3,462
These are the MAN LAWS!!!
1 : Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
© After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is
unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the express purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
© Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,and almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox360. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29. Never divulge that you remember any scene, piece of dialogue,
etc., from any chick flick. This implies that you saw it more than once
or actually paid attention when your wife/girlfriend made you go.
AND-----------------
We've all heard about people having guts or *****. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,
"are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"*****" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
*** and having the ***** to say, "You're next!"
hope this clears up any confusion.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
© After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is
unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the express purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed
to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
© Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,and almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer
than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox360. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29. Never divulge that you remember any scene, piece of dialogue,
etc., from any chick flick. This implies that you saw it more than once
or actually paid attention when your wife/girlfriend made you go.
AND-----------------
We've all heard about people having guts or *****. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,
"are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"*****" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
*** and having the ***** to say, "You're next!"
hope this clears up any confusion.
14-Jan-2007, 07:06 PM
#2
Registered User
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Somewhere out there...
Posts: 4,606
thats funny, 8.5/10
14-Jan-2007, 07:48 PM
#5
Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Moon
Posts: 8,921
i love your search question dan.
kick another man in the nuts
BAHAHAHA
kick another man in the nuts
BAHAHAHA
14-Jan-2007, 08:13 PM
#6
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: scarborough
Posts: 6,394
"27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox360. End of story."
I would rather get her a katana
I would rather get her a katana
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