jokes thread
26-Mar-2003, 11:18 AM
#1
Registered User
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2002
Location: GTA
Posts: 3,200
jokes thread
I miss the good old jokes thread, post them up people..
here's a few blonde ones I tumbled upon..
A blonde went into an electronic store and asked, "How much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don’t sell to blondes."
She replied, “I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it’s a microwave."
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!
Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.
Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?
Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch.
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
here's a few blonde ones I tumbled upon..
A blonde went into an electronic store and asked, "How much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don’t sell to blondes."
She replied, “I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it’s a microwave."
What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!
Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.
Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?
Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch.
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
26-Mar-2003, 11:26 AM
#2
Registered User
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2002
Location: GTA
Posts: 3,200
10 Things Men Won't Say
Let's watch Lifetime!
Sex is overrated.
I don't want to go too far on the first date.
Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
I'm glad I don't have a large *****.
My hips are too big.
Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
Does this suit make me look fat?
I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
12- Pack
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''
Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''
20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room
1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in **** whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot **** if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
14) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.
15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.
16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.
17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines
1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
Let's watch Lifetime!
Sex is overrated.
I don't want to go too far on the first date.
Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
I'm glad I don't have a large *****.
My hips are too big.
Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
Does this suit make me look fat?
I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
12- Pack
A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''
Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.
The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''
20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room
1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
2) Sociable -- Joins friends in **** whether he has to or not.
3) Cross-eyed -- Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4) Timid -- Cannot **** if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5) Indifferent -- All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6) Clever -- No hands, fixes tie, looks around, usually pisses on floor.
7) Worried -- Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8) Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9) Absent-Minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10) Childish -- Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11) Sneaky -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12) Patient -- Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.
13) Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
14) Tough -- Bangs dick on side of urinal to dry.
15) Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap and does both.
16) Fat -- Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shower.
17) Little -- Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
18) Drunk -- Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.
19) Disgruntled -- Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
20) Conceited -- Holds two-inch dick like baseball bat.
5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines
1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
26-Mar-2003, 03:11 PM
#3
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 972
LOL. Nice man.
A guys working at a sex shop, his boss leaves for lunch at 12...at 12:15, a brunette comes in, and asks for a *****. The guys says, well, we have a white one, which is $10, and a black one which is $20. The brunette looks in her wallet, sees a $10 bill, and takes the white one. 15 minutes later, a redhead came in, and says that shes really horny, and needs a ***** right away. The guys says once again, that they have a black one for $20, and a white one for $10. The redhead takes the black one, pays, and leaves. 15 minutes later, a blonde walks in...She is soooo horny, she says that she needs the biggest ***** the guy has. Once again, he has the black one or the white one, $20, and $10, respectively. The blonde looks at the two in desperation, then scans the shelves, and asks how much the big, silver one is? The guy looks at what shes pointing at, and says $100.
She looks in her wallet, sees 5 20's , and buys it.
The boss comes back at 1pm, and asks his employee how the sales are going.
"Well..", replies the employee, "I sold one black ***** for $20, one white ***** for $10, and I sold my thermos to one chick for $100.
A guys working at a sex shop, his boss leaves for lunch at 12...at 12:15, a brunette comes in, and asks for a *****. The guys says, well, we have a white one, which is $10, and a black one which is $20. The brunette looks in her wallet, sees a $10 bill, and takes the white one. 15 minutes later, a redhead came in, and says that shes really horny, and needs a ***** right away. The guys says once again, that they have a black one for $20, and a white one for $10. The redhead takes the black one, pays, and leaves. 15 minutes later, a blonde walks in...She is soooo horny, she says that she needs the biggest ***** the guy has. Once again, he has the black one or the white one, $20, and $10, respectively. The blonde looks at the two in desperation, then scans the shelves, and asks how much the big, silver one is? The guy looks at what shes pointing at, and says $100.
She looks in her wallet, sees 5 20's , and buys it.
The boss comes back at 1pm, and asks his employee how the sales are going.
"Well..", replies the employee, "I sold one black ***** for $20, one white ***** for $10, and I sold my thermos to one chick for $100.
LOL 
as if that actually happens to me 
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
