Friday Funny - Think Before You Speak
06-Feb-2009, 10:11 AM
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Friday Funny - Think Before You Speak
Think before you speak...
>>Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
>>the last one is great!
>>Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
>>immediately take the words back...
>>or that you could crawl into a hole?
>>Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...
>>FIRST TESTIMONY:
>>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
>>and asked loudly,
>>'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
>>I turned around and walked back out and never went back
>>My husband didn't say a word...
>>he knew better.
>>SECOND TESTIMONY:
>>I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf *****.
>>I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
>>After browsing for several minutes,
>>I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
>>store.
>>He asked if he could help me.
>>Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with
>>men's *****'
>>THIRD TESTIMONY:
>>My sister and I were at the mall and
>>passed by a store that sold a
>>variety of candy and nuts.
>>As we were looking at the display case,
>>the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
>>I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
>>My sister started to laugh hysterically.
>>The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
>>To this day,
>>my sister has never let me forget.
>>FOURTH TESTIMONY :
>>While in line at the bank one afternoon,
>>my toddler decided to release
>>some pent-up energy and ran amok.
>>I was finally able to grab hold of
>>her after receiving looks of disgust
>>and annoyance from other patrons.
>>I told her that if she did not start behaving
>>'right now' she would be punished.
>>To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
>>threatening,
>>'If you don't let me go right now,
>>I will tell Grandma that I saw you
>>kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
>>The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
>>Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
>>I mustered up the last of my dignity and
>>walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
>>The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
>>laughter.
>>FIFTH TESTIMONY:
>>Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
>>My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
>>on him constantly.
>>One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
>>It was very busy, with a full dining room.
>>While enjoying my taco,
>>I smelled something funny,
>>so of course I checked
>>my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
>>Then I realized that Danny
>>had not asked to go potty in a while.
>>I asked him if he needed to go,
>>and he said 'No' .
>>I kept thinking
>>'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
>>with me.'
>>Then I said,
>>'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
>>'No,' he replied.
>>I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
>>getting worse.
>>Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This
>>time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
>>bent over, ****** his cheeks
>>and yelled
>>'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
>>While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
>>he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
>>An old couple made me feel better,
>>thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>>LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
>>This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
>>and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
>>in the future, likely think before she speaks.
>>What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
>>We had a female news anchor that,
>>the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
>>turned to the weatherman and asked:
>>'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
>>Not only did HE have to leave the set,
>>but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
>>Now, didn't that feel good?
>>Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
>>and remember
>>we all say things we don't really mean,
>>so think before you speak!!!!!
>>Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
>>the last one is great!
>>Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
>>immediately take the words back...
>>or that you could crawl into a hole?
>>Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...
>>FIRST TESTIMONY:
>>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
>>and asked loudly,
>>'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
>>I turned around and walked back out and never went back
>>My husband didn't say a word...
>>he knew better.
>>SECOND TESTIMONY:
>>I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf *****.
>>I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
>>After browsing for several minutes,
>>I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
>>store.
>>He asked if he could help me.
>>Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with
>>men's *****'
>>THIRD TESTIMONY:
>>My sister and I were at the mall and
>>passed by a store that sold a
>>variety of candy and nuts.
>>As we were looking at the display case,
>>the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
>>I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
>>My sister started to laugh hysterically.
>>The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
>>To this day,
>>my sister has never let me forget.
>>FOURTH TESTIMONY :
>>While in line at the bank one afternoon,
>>my toddler decided to release
>>some pent-up energy and ran amok.
>>I was finally able to grab hold of
>>her after receiving looks of disgust
>>and annoyance from other patrons.
>>I told her that if she did not start behaving
>>'right now' she would be punished.
>>To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
>>threatening,
>>'If you don't let me go right now,
>>I will tell Grandma that I saw you
>>kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
>>The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
>>Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
>>I mustered up the last of my dignity and
>>walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
>>The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
>>laughter.
>>FIFTH TESTIMONY:
>>Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
>>My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
>>on him constantly.
>>One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
>>It was very busy, with a full dining room.
>>While enjoying my taco,
>>I smelled something funny,
>>so of course I checked
>>my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
>>Then I realized that Danny
>>had not asked to go potty in a while.
>>I asked him if he needed to go,
>>and he said 'No' .
>>I kept thinking
>>'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes
>>with me.'
>>Then I said,
>>'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
>>'No,' he replied.
>>I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
>>getting worse.
>>Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This
>>time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
>>bent over, ****** his cheeks
>>and yelled
>>'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
>>While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
>>he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
>>An old couple made me feel better,
>>thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
>>LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
>>This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
>>and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
>>in the future, likely think before she speaks.
>>What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
>>We had a female news anchor that,
>>the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
>>turned to the weatherman and asked:
>>'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
>>Not only did HE have to leave the set,
>>but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
>>Now, didn't that feel good?
>>Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
>>and remember
>>we all say things we don't really mean,
>>so think before you speak!!!!!
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