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The Bible as explained by teh interwebz

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Old 03-Nov-2009 | 10:55 AM
  #1  
Jay P's Avatar
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The Bible as explained by teh interwebz

Old Testament:

God creates the universe and sees it and its serious business, but then Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls eve telling her ‘apple or GTFO’ (cuz she was already showing ****). She chooses the former and then her and her **** buddy Adam get banned from Eden for being troll bait. Then a lot of serious ****ing incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains a lot really).


Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler pwning the Jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the Universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens up the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient *****. God lol’d.

Some other less important **** happens, mostly composed of a bunch of ******* writing emo poetry about God for him to fap to.


New Testament:

God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later, Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday, God gave Jesus more cheat codes than he gave Moses, plus the rcon password for life and some CP.


Later Jesus became a hard core ska punk and trolled the old school Jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had God mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_resart on the rcon panel, came back into life’s server, and laughed at the Jews.

After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this ****** Paul wrote as assload of **** about sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never ****ing said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they’re stupid.

The end.
Old 03-Nov-2009 | 11:05 AM
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you are going to hell for saying this but it was worth it because i laughed.
Old 03-Nov-2009 | 12:06 PM
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lulz
Old 03-Nov-2009 | 05:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Silver_EM
you are going to hell for saying this but it was worth it because i laughed.
you can't go somewhere if it doesn't exist.

enjoy life.
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 08:36 AM
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Originally Posted by bruce fee
you can't go somewhere if it doesn't exist.

enjoy life.
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 09:30 AM
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lol kinda remind me of this:

LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by bruce fee
you can't go somewhere if it doesn't exist.

enjoy life.


true true
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 12:41 PM
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Originally Posted by bruce fee
you can't go somewhere if it doesn't exist.

enjoy life.
have fun becoming compost wen u die so you can grow a tree and we can cut it down and print bibles on you.

agnostic ftw.
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 12:52 PM
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^^^ because your body won't become compost?
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 01:40 PM
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im getting buried at sea
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 02:03 PM
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tree > fish food lol
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 02:48 PM
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you didnt finish and let me correct,

tree < fish food to shark food to shark that attacks people.

i will come back to potentially be a shark attacker. and i think thats pretty damn cool.
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 02:55 PM
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^^^ tree > shark
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 03:10 PM
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lol thats jks
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 03:32 PM
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at least sharks dont turn into bibles. I think thats the point i was trying to make.
Old 04-Nov-2009 | 04:34 PM
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my tree will be used to make a book

... book on how to kill sharks

k thanks
Old 05-Nov-2009 | 01:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Jay P
Old Testament:

God creates the universe and sees it and its serious business, but then Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls eve telling her ‘apple or GTFO’ (cuz she was already showing ****). She chooses the former and then her and her **** buddy Adam get banned from Eden for being troll bait. Then a lot of serious ****ing incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains a lot really).

Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler pwning the Jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the Universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens up the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient *****. God lol’d.

Some other less important **** happens, mostly composed of a bunch of ******* writing emo poetry about God for him to fap to.


New Testament:

God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later, Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday, God gave Jesus more cheat codes than he gave Moses, plus the rcon password for life and some CP.

Later Jesus became a hard core ska punk and trolled the old school Jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had God mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_resart on the rcon panel, came back into life’s server, and laughed at the Jews.

After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this ****** Paul wrote as assload of **** about sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never ****ing said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they’re stupid.

The end.
d!



God is going to punish you! that's mean! I feel violated!! Soo mean! For this, you are going to sleep on the couch and I'm going to tell my grade 9 religion class you said this and they will they you are evil!
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