afternoon jokes
14-Mar-2006, 02:08 PM
#1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,836
afternoon jokes
A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband. “Don’t you love him anymore?” asked the lawyer.
“Oh, I still love him,” the chick replied. “But all he ever wants is sex, I can’t take it.”
“Instead of divorcing him why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the hard word on her.
“Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom.”
“Well, then,” he said. “Here’s $50.”
The wife began walking to the bedroom. “ Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”
The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes?"
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking"
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from
another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is
your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.
"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to
memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.
"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than
once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the
middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
“Oh, I still love him,” the chick replied. “But all he ever wants is sex, I can’t take it.”
“Instead of divorcing him why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.
The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try. As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the hard word on her.
“Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom.”
“Well, then,” he said. “Here’s $50.”
The wife began walking to the bedroom. “ Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”
The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, "Yes?"
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking"
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory.
When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from
another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is
your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.
"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's disease (related to
memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.
"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than
once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the
middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
14-Mar-2006, 02:24 PM
#4
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: scarborough
Posts: 6,394
-Wouldn't Mr and Mrs Ward remember if he was sent to the doctor for blood samples or a neurological assessment?
-Last names are not the only thing used to identify patients. What would all the Singh's in Ontario do? They'd be completely screwed.
-If the lab or doctor's office screwed up, the onus to redo the tests would be on them, not the patient, not the health insurer.
That joke was garbage. You are not even in the shadow of Double B (although his e-mail jokes aren't always the best either)
-Last names are not the only thing used to identify patients. What would all the Singh's in Ontario do? They'd be completely screwed.
-If the lab or doctor's office screwed up, the onus to redo the tests would be on them, not the patient, not the health insurer.
That joke was garbage. You are not even in the shadow of Double B (although his e-mail jokes aren't always the best either)
14-Mar-2006, 04:00 PM
#7
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 4,197
Two blondes walk into a building.
You figure ONE of them would have seen it.
Blondes Seven Degrees of Blondes
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were sleeping when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a
moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and
hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is
really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her
US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe
vs.Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the
decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9
unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9
officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all
my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."
You figure ONE of them would have seen it.
Blondes Seven Degrees of Blondes
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were sleeping when the phone rang at 2 in the
morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a
moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and
hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the
coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is
really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her
US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe
vs.Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the
decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9
unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9
officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all
my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."
14-Mar-2006, 11:16 PM
#12
Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: ...
Posts: 3,383
Originally posted by Bruce Fee
-Wouldn't Mr and Mrs Ward remember if he was sent to the doctor for blood samples or a neurological assessment?
-Last names are not the only thing used to identify patients. What would all the Singh's in Ontario do? They'd be completely screwed.
-If the lab or doctor's office screwed up, the onus to redo the tests would be on them, not the patient, not the health insurer.
That joke was garbage. You are not even in the shadow of Double B (although his e-mail jokes aren't always the best either)
-Wouldn't Mr and Mrs Ward remember if he was sent to the doctor for blood samples or a neurological assessment?
-Last names are not the only thing used to identify patients. What would all the Singh's in Ontario do? They'd be completely screwed.
-If the lab or doctor's office screwed up, the onus to redo the tests would be on them, not the patient, not the health insurer.
That joke was garbage. You are not even in the shadow of Double B (although his e-mail jokes aren't always the best either)
14-Mar-2006, 11:29 PM
#14
Registered User
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Brampton
Posts: 655
Originally posted by Bruce Fee
-Wouldn't Mr and Mrs Ward remember if he was sent to the doctor for blood samples or a neurological assessment?
-Last names are not the only thing used to identify patients. What would all the Singh's in Ontario do? They'd be completely screwed.
-If the lab or doctor's office screwed up, the onus to redo the tests would be on them, not the patient, not the health insurer.
That joke was garbage. You are not even in the shadow of Double B (although his e-mail jokes aren't always the best either)
-Wouldn't Mr and Mrs Ward remember if he was sent to the doctor for blood samples or a neurological assessment?
-Last names are not the only thing used to identify patients. What would all the Singh's in Ontario do? They'd be completely screwed.
-If the lab or doctor's office screwed up, the onus to redo the tests would be on them, not the patient, not the health insurer.
That joke was garbage. You are not even in the shadow of Double B (although his e-mail jokes aren't always the best either)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
15-Mar-2006, 09:56 AM
#16
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: scarborough
Posts: 6,394
Fug, there is much I don't know. That joke was garbage though. Sure the punch line is okay, but the premise makes no sense!
Q-why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A-to see what's on the other side.
Q-why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A-to see what's on the other side.
15-Mar-2006, 12:23 PM
#17
Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: ...
Posts: 3,383
Originally posted by Bruce Fee
Fug, there is much I don't know. That joke was garbage though. Sure the punch line is okay, but the premise makes no sense!
Q-why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A-to see what's on the other side.
Fug, there is much I don't know. That joke was garbage though. Sure the punch line is okay, but the premise makes no sense!
Q-why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A-to see what's on the other side.
good day son
hahah
15-Mar-2006, 06:17 PM
#18
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 5,836
i get them off my email at work, if you like em, your welcome if not, oh well...
shouldnt stop anyone from posting jokes on here.....
got one for ya....why did the guy in the green ek drive on the wrong side of the road?
he was dropped at birth...
that was for you mike =P
sorry if it wasnt witty enough for ya cool guy!
maybe ill try harder next time
shouldnt stop anyone from posting jokes on here.....
got one for ya....why did the guy in the green ek drive on the wrong side of the road?
he was dropped at birth...
that was for you mike =P
sorry if it wasnt witty enough for ya cool guy!
maybe ill try harder next time
