The English Language
23-Mar-2005, 06:27 PM
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The English Language
Thought you might find it interesting....
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If
you've learned to speak >
fluent English, you must be a genius! This little
treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave. Peruse
at your leisure, English
lovers.
>
> Reasons why the English language is so hard to
learn:
>
>
> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
> 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert
in the desert.
> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he
thought it was time
to
present the present.
> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass
drum.
> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the
bushes.
> 10) I did not object to the object.
> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about
how to row.
> 13) They were too close to the door to close
it.
> 14) The buck does funny things when the does
are present.
> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a
sewer line.
> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught
his sow to sow.
> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
> 18) After a number of injections my jaw got
number.
> 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I
shed a tear.
> 20) I had to subject the subject to a series
of tests.
> 21) How can I intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
>
> There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple
nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't
invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing
rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a
pig. And why is it that
writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't
ham?
>
> If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth
beeth?
> One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
but not one amend.
> If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one of
them,
what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught?
> In what language do people recite at a play
and play at a recital?
> Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
> Have noses that run and feet that smell?
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise
man
and
a wise guy are opposites?
> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which
your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling
it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
on.
> English was invented by people, not computers,
and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course,
is not a race at all.
> That is why, when the stars are out, they are
visible, but when
the
lights are out, they are invisible.
>
> P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If
you've learned to speak >
fluent English, you must be a genius! This little
treatise on the lovely
language we share is only for the brave. Peruse
at your leisure, English
lovers.
>
> Reasons why the English language is so hard to
learn:
>
>
> 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
> 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
> 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
> 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
> 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
> 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert
in the desert.
> 7) Since there is no time like the present, he
thought it was time
to
present the present.
> 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass
drum.
> 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the
bushes.
> 10) I did not object to the object.
> 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
> 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about
how to row.
> 13) They were too close to the door to close
it.
> 14) The buck does funny things when the does
are present.
> 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a
sewer line.
> 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught
his sow to sow.
> 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
> 18) After a number of injections my jaw got
number.
> 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I
shed a tear.
> 20) I had to subject the subject to a series
of tests.
> 21) How can I intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
>
> There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple
nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't
invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat. Quicksand works slowly, boxing
rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a
pig. And why is it that
writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't
ham?
>
> If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth
beeth?
> One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
> Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
but not one amend.
> If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one of
them,
what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
> If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught?
> In what language do people recite at a play
and play at a recital?
> Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
> Have noses that run and feet that smell?
> How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise
man
and
a wise guy are opposites?
> You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which
your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling
it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
on.
> English was invented by people, not computers,
and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course,
is not a race at all.
> That is why, when the stars are out, they are
visible, but when
the
lights are out, they are invisible.
>
> P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
its easier iu ya dunt include all the letters lads 
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